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This is an extract from the upcoming book Agents of Influence: Hypnotic & Spy Techniques for Financial Advisors by Naoshad Pochkhanawala
An Indirect, Direct, Indirect Challenge – How to contradict someone while making them like you
Agreement frames and simple reframes are useful but sometimes you just want to tell someone what you think. Unfortunately, if you tell someone that they are just wrong about everything they tend to get a tad defensive. At the very least their critical faculty will be on high alert and scrutinizing your statements for any disingenuity or logical flaws. I am going to teach you a phrase and simple methodology with which you can contradict someone while lowering their critical faculty and potentially increasing rapport.
“You said that. I understand that. I respect that. Now let me change your mind…”
Depending on rapport and how serious of a demeanour the person or people you are speaking to you may change the delivery of the question above by adding a pause at then end, a quick grin and a chuckle to try and get a laugh. Read the room.
Do NOT use this with someone who is already angry – you can use this in any conversation or negotiation but be very wary of using this with someone who is displaying outward signs of anger or frustration.
I want you to think of a recent time when someone said something you didn’t like and you didn’t know where to begin or what to say. Your boss tells you that he couldn’t get your raise approved. A prospect tells you that they only buy products from a certain vendor or brand.
“You said that corporate wouldn’t approve my project. I understand that. I respect that. Now let me tell you why corporate should reconsider.”
“You told me that you only deal with your bank when it comes to retirement investing. I understand that. I respect that. When did you decide that… (or any appropriate question)?”
This works because as far as the subconscious is concerned not only do the first 3 phrase show that you are acknowledging the person and their concerns, each one is quickly and immediately verified by the subconscious. It’s a mini-yes set. And just like with an actual yes set as it says yes to each question in rapid succession it expects to say yes or agree with the next statement. Now this won’t always make someone change their minds but it will put you in a position to try and redirect or even reverse the direction of conversations or opinions.
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