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Table of Contents
Introduction
Most people try to change opinions by confronting them head-on.
We argue. We persuade. We like to debunk objections. The smarter we are the more we do this because in a ‘perfect’ world this is what should work.
But we don’t live in a perfect world. We live in reality and if we want to truly change people’s thoughts, ideas and opinions and shift their actions we have to not just appeal to logic. Because if we appeal to people we disagree with to be rational what happens?
People dig in their heels, they get defensive and they will reject any idea, regardless of whether it is correct and/or in their best interest.
Because humans hate being told we’re wrong. When someone is told they are wrong it triggers defense mechanisms. Our ego, identity and sense of competence/independence feel attacked when we are told that we are wrong.
This is called reactance. It’s the instinct to reject anything that feels like an attack on our ability or autonomy.
So here is your subversive psychological hack to reduce resistance and shift perspectives.
The Trojan Nod Formula – What is it?
Instead of directly challenging resistance, you do the opposite. You appear to agree and then you (subtly) disrupts the subjects certainty.
Let’s take the classic objection, ‘This is too expensive,’ and respond with the Trojan nod. The response would look something like this.
“Yes, I totally see why someone would say that. At first glance, the price does seem high if they’re only looking at the upfront cost. But once people realize how much time, frustration, and money this actually saves them over six months, they start seeing the great value.”
Lets break down what we’re doing and why it works.
1. Seem to Agree at First (Lower Their Guard)
Instead of arguing, start by acknowledging and mirroring their perspective. This disarms their resistance.
Remember the brain is a pattern seeking, recognizing and prediction machine. If there is disagreement it is expecting an argument that it will have to analyze and counter. If there is agreement however it will go down a different path.
You can ‘agree’ with anything by acknowledging the validity of a thought.
Them: “This product is too expensive.”
You: “Yes, I totally see why someone would think that. At first glance, the price can seem high.”
Note: You can (and should) use this technique in almost any scenario but it is particularly useful when used in response to a direct objection because then it subvert the expected pattern as well.
2. Subtly Reframe the Meaning (Create Doubt)
Now that their guard is down, you shift the perspective in a way that challenges their certainty.
-
You: “Yeah, I totally see why someone would say that. At first glance, the price does seem high… if they’re only looking at the upfront cost.”
We are doing two things in this sentence. One we are creating room for curiosity or doubt – what is there to look at other than the upfront cost? What hasn’t been considered?
Note the Pronoun Shift
Instead of saying,
‘Yeah, I totally see why you would say that. At first glance, the price does seem high… if you’re only looking at the upfront cost,’
We say,
‘Yeah, I totally see why someone would say that. At first glance, the price does seem high… if they’re only looking at the upfront cost.’
Now we are not saying ‘you’ didn’t look at this properly, or that you are wrong. We are saying an unidentified general third party is wrong. It seems silly but it allows the subject, consciously and subconsciously to save face and protect their self image.
3. Let Them Close the Loop (Make Them Persuade Themselves)
Now, instead of arguing, you lead or give them the conclusion (or realization!) that makes them re-evaluate the statement
You: “But once people realize how much time, frustration, and money this actually saves them over the next six months, they start seeing the great value.”
See what just happened?
You never argued.
You never told them they were wrong.
Instead, you made them question their assumption—without resistance.
Real-World Applications (More Examples)
The Trojan Nod isn’t just for sales. It works in any situation where you want to influence someone without triggering resistance.
Selling & Negotiation
Customer: “I don’t think this is worth the price.”
You: “Yeah, I totally get that. At first, the price can seem high. In fact, some of our smartest buyers felt the same way—until they saw what they were actually getting. Want to see what changed their mind?”
Salary Negotiation
Boss: “We don’t have the budget for a raise.”
You: “That makes sense. A lot of companies are being cautious right now. But I’ve also noticed that the ones who invest in retaining their best employees actually save more long-term. What do you think?”
Dating & Relationships
Date: “I’m not sure I’m ready for a serious relationship.”
You: “Yeah, I totally get that. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to rush into anything either. I only want to invest in something that actually feels natural and right. What feels natural to you?”
Changing Minds (Politics, Business, Life)
Person: “I don’t believe in that.”
You: “Yeah, I hear you. A lot of people feel that way at first. In fact, I used to think the same thing. But then I came across something that totally shifted my perspective. Want to hear what it was?”
Managing Employees
Employee: “I just don’t see why we have to change our process.”
You: “Yeah, I get that. Changing something that’s been working can feel unnecessary. But when we tested this new approach, we found something surprising. Want to see what happened?”
The Trojan Nod Cheat Sheet: Powerful Phrases & Templates
Want to install this technique into your daily conversations? Use these phrases & templates. Remember to mix and match!
“Yeah, I totally get why you’d feel that way. A lot of people do at first. But what’s interesting is…”
“That makes sense. I actually used to think the same thing. Then I realized something that completely changed my perspective.”
“You’re absolutely right—if we were looking at it from just that angle. But what happens when we consider this…”
“That’s a fair point. The funny thing is, the people who were most skeptical at first ended up being our biggest fans. Want to know why?”
“Yeah, I hear you. I actually felt the same way at first. Then I saw this…”
The moment you appear to agree, resistance decreases and often disappears.
Which situation will you test this in first? Let me know—I want to hear your results!
